Caring for your pet ham

I found this in an issue of YL-Harmonics and thought it was to cute not to share! ) Of course I have added some things of my own and I'm sure that there are plenty of other things that can be added to it by hams or by people who care for and love a ham! So please feel free to add to this list! The pet ham is one of the most intelligent of pets. Often seeming almost human, he can also be one of the most difficult to keep. Only a person with a great deal of patience and understanding should attempt to keep a pet ham.The following is a short guide to some of the most important things that you should know about caring for your pet ham! 1. Living area: Your pet ham should have a private area of his own, an entire room if possible, where he will not be disturbed. You shall call this area the "Ham Shack". He will spend many happy hours here alone with his collection of treasures (boxes, wires, bits of metal, glass, paper, plastic, tools, mic's, radios, connectors, books, maps, etc.) that he will bring home regularly. He should be encouraged to confine his activities to this nesting room in order to protect the rest of the house from his natural tendencies toward noise, clutter and making holes in the walls. Some of these treasures will naturally be found in the car but that will be covered in # 7 of this list!2. Expenses: Raising your pet ham can turn into an expensive hobby; but, unlike most pets, the pet ham can be trained to work outside the for short periods and so bring in enough money to cover part or all of his expenses. He will also find useful ways to trade and sell some of his treasures for other treasures owned by other pet hams.3. Feeding: The well behaved pet ham will be able to eat with the family on occasion, but he usually feels more comfortable and secure if he can take many of meals in the privacy of his "ham shack". This is especially true during time of contest and nets. It will be your responsibilty to see that your pet ham is kept well supplied with food and drinks during the long periods of time he will spend in the "shack".4. Housekeeping: Pet hams can  be trained to use the family bathroom facilities.5. Obedience Training: Most pet hams can be trained to respond to a few simple commands - the easiest for him being "sit" and "speak". Once your pet ham has learned these commands, he will sometimes practice them on his own for hours at a time.  6. Health Care: The pet ham is especially subject to minor irritations of the lower back and sore throat from to much sitting and speaking. The special CW breed of ham tends to also have a tired wrist and the RTTY or packet versions may suffer from red and hurting eyes.7. Traveling: Your pet ham will gladly travel with you in the family car if he is allowed to bring some of the collection from his "shack". His favorite trips will be to places where he associate with other pet hams from other families and places that he can get a very good signal. The orignal author (Laura Sargent) of this story is not a ham herself, but she keeps one at home. The person who is rewriting this story (that's me) is a ham and she also keeps one at home as well.